How To Become a Sex Goddess

The foolproof way to conquer your sexual demons

Photo by Kevin Wolf on Unsplash

I couldn’t orgasm. And I didn’t have a clue why not. It felt like I needed to yawn, but couldn’t get there. The mouth was opening, I would feel the familiar feeling of a yawn stretching through it, and then nothing.

The pleasure would increase gradually, I’d tighten my toes and gasp in delight. I’d get ready for the crashing wave of an orgasm. I was teetering on the brink. But… nothing. No crashing wave. I couldn’t get the final level of pleasure I needed.

It wasn’t the sex. That was the same. Same partner. Same room. Same position. Same everything. The only variable was me. It must be my fault. Was I stressed? Was my sex drive suddenly decreasing? Was I getting old? This was the end of my sex life, as I knew it. I felt hopeless.

What I didn’t realise, was some women find sex challenging at different times in their lives. It’s totally OK. In fact, it’s normal. Olivia Blair in The Independent, explains, “Research suggests that 43% of women report some degree of difficulty and 12% attribute their sexual difficulties to personal distress”.

The study Chronic Stress and Sexual Function in Women found, “High levels of chronic stress were related to lower levels of genital sexual arousal”. So, if you’re feeling stressed at home or work, this can transfer to the bedroom.

If this is you and you’ve been stressed lately, sex may feel faraway from the passionate, intimate moment seen in films. Perhaps, you’ve struggled all your life to enjoy the moment and just can’t reach the heady heights of pleasure.

Whatever the reason, don’t worry. Now is the time to change. Here are three foolproof techniques to bring out the inner sex goddess in you and make this year a sizzling sex journey.

It’s all in the mind

Forget the vibrators, butt plugs and cock rings for now. Get the basics right before you add accessories. Strip it all down and focus on where it began. An intimate moment between two people feels electric when your minds are tuned in. Truly feeling your naked skin against each other, a kiss on the neck or a light stroke of the thigh, increases tension and intimacy.

In a long term relationship, it’s easy to forget to slow down. Often foreplay is skipped and sex is over in a few minutes. It can start to feel like a chore which needs to be ticked off of a to-do list. And when the act is taken for granted, we lose the intimacy.

In a study about female sexual interest we discover that a woman’s willingness to be sexual derives from her wish for intimacy. If we lose this during sex, then we lose everything. So, when sex becomes a casual or rushed moment between two people, we have to mix it up.

Book a night in a hotel to change the scenery. Buy special lingerie for the occasion. Make sure you’ve eaten well and done all the grooming you need to do. The trick is to ensure you feel sexy. If a heavy meal and old worn out underwear isn’t going to make you feel like a goddess, then avoid them at all costs.

Before you begin your sexual experience, share a glass of wine together. Look into each others eyes. A little awkward, I know. But eye contact has been proven to increase intimacy. Give it a shot. Put aside the days worries or household tasks, and look deeply into each others eyes.

Be completely present. Focus on the touch of your partners skin on yours and their lips as they kiss you. If you find other non sexy thoughts entering your mind, let them pass. Keep your attention in the present moment.

Try a little role-play

Now your mind is focused, it’s time to start sizzling. Role-play is becoming increasingly popular. It’s a great way to feel uninhabited and more confident. And confidence is the only tool you need in order to become a sex goddess.

Adventurous role-play can be a lot of fun. But, you don’t have to jump in at the deep end. Start gradually. In order to become a goddess in the bedroom, nothing too wild is needed. Personal role-play will work best. This is a great way to increase your confidence.

Personal role-play is a technique a lot of us do without realising, and it isn’t just for the bedroom. We might put on a persona at work to become more articulate and forthright. With our families we might revert to a more childish character. You don’t have to win an Oscar to use acting in your daily life. We all do it.

So, try this method during sex. It will help you to drop self-conscious thoughts and increase your confidence. Ask yourself what are the qualities of an ultimate sex goddess? What makes a woman sexy? Name three characteristics and embody them. For example, if your words are, confidence, playfulness and intensity, imagine a woman who fits this description.

What would it feel like to be them? Imagine how they move, what they would say or do. Take on their confidence, make eye contact with your partner, moan when they touch you, immerse yourself in the moment. Before long, these sexy qualities will become second nature to you.

Let go completely

Immersing yourself in the moment will allow you to let go. By taking on another persona you begin to drop your inhibitions. Fully relaxing during sex will mean you reach new levels of pleasure. As you let go and enjoy, so will your partner. Hearing and feeling your pleasure, will intensify theirs.

If you struggle to relax during sex, try increasing your confidence and becoming familiar with your own pleasure by masturbating alone. This helps you to feel less tense and more self-assured. Sex is all about you and your partners pleasure. By getting to grips with your own climax, you will intensify your satisfaction together.


So, get ready for fireworks in the bedroom and a new status as sex goddess. All you have to do is clear the mind, make eye contact, focus on the moment, embody a sexy persona and drop your inhibitions. Sounds like a long list, right?

But, trust me, before long, you will find yourself climaxing to the heady heights of pleasure while your partner simultaneously delights in their own orgasm. You will be the ultimate sex goddess forever.

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Exploring sex, life & mental health | P.S I Love You | Mind Cafe | Learn how to go from $0 to $1000 in three months on Medium

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