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Sex, life & mental health | P.S I Love You | Mind Cafe | Find out how to go from 0 to $1k on Medium with my free six-day writing course pages.matildaswinney.com

Increase intimacy and pleasure

When any kind of foreplay begins, I take a deep breath and keep totally still, like a squirrel determined not to be seen. I don’t want to distract. If I make the slightest of movements, it could all be over.

And 60 seconds later, it is all over. It’s time for the main feature to begin.

I used to wonder why I wasn’t in the mood during sex or why it would take me longer to orgasm. I would mull over the mystery, unsure whether I was overly stressed or if my sex drive was to blame.

But, the truth…


And increase your motivation

When you arrive on Medium the platform can be intimidating. When I first got here I wasn’t sure what I was doing. Initially, I thought I would write extracts of my book to hopefully drum up excitement.

Very quickly, I realised that was a bad idea.

Medium is for blogging. Sure, you can write erotica, short stories and poetry. And if your aim is to be creative and make connections, then you’ll be doing very well.

But, if your aim is to make money the only way to do it is to jump onto the simple and engaging blogging style…


How to truly let go

Anal sex has always made me feel nervous. And out of control. I remember warning my first boyfriend, “there could be a lot of mess you know. It won’t be pretty, are you prepared for that?”

I felt angry, angry that my boyfriend would potentially see me in a messy, non-sexy after sex state. It’s one thing having tousled bed hair and smudged makeup… He was asking for a lot more. I would be risking a whole lot more.

I was angry because I felt too vulnerable in our relationship already. I had lost my virginity to him. I had…


What kind of person are you?

I’ve started imagining my partner getting in a car crash or a terrible accident. I drive myself crazy feeling the pain of losing him. Each step of death — being told about it, planning the funeral, the long lonely life afterwards is visualised. I feel the deep sadness of losing him as I imagine each step. I even sometimes cry.

All of this happens while I’m cleaning or taking a shower.

Sure, I go downstairs and there’s my partner but it doesn’t matter that he’s safe, well and happily making a cake, my mind is exhausted. Visualising is no joke…


I should have gone home alone instead

Yes, I thought Liam’s hat was nice.

I surveyed its orange colour and soft texture. It looked cool. Plus, he was wearing it inside a club, which was unusual. He was a hip guy for sure.

I was surprised my crush was asking me this question though. Did he want me to fancy Liam? Maybe, he knew I fancied him and was trying to get rid of me?

There was no mad rush of affection for Liam from my side. But, it wasn’t about that. It was about validation. Could I get Liam to fancy me?

Would he like me enough to take me home with him?

I didn’t want to…


When is a relationship doomed?

When I was younger I didn’t understand people who had sex once a week.

Surely, people should be having sex at least once a day? How does a relationship get to that point? Can you even say you’re in a relationship if you’re not having sex? I would gasp in shock at the idea of not being physical with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Two babies later, countless sleepless nights and a recovering body… And I get it.

I’ve learnt a lot. And while I don’t think it’s a good idea to let sex become less and less, I can 100%…


Excellent listening skills are surprisingly seductive

“I’m leaving.”

I looked up in surprise. My friend was dangling our huge wooden room key in front of my face. Where was she going?

“See you tomorrow,” she smiled triumphantly.

I took the key in shock. Why was it so big anyway? A room key should be sleek and credit card-sized. I couldn’t fit this one in my handbag. I watched my friend leave. I quickly went over the night's incidents. Had I done something wrong?

We were in a nightclub in Ubud, Bali. We had begun the night together, but not happily. I had complained about drinking for…


I hope everyone’s well. It’s been an exciting month! We now have 638 followers and counting. Thank you to everyone who joined.

The story that went viral was a surprise. It had been rejected by a major publication so I was feeling rubbish. I was ready to delete it. Instead, I decided nothing would be lost if it flopped on my own publication so I pressed publish. And 111k views later, here we are!

So, thank you to everyone who read it. It was a true story from four years ago which will be talked about in more detail in…


Is a dominant man a mythical creature?

“You better leave. I don’t want to see your face in the morning.”
My one-time sexual partner widened his eyes. For a fleeting second, I was sure I saw his eyes get shiny. But, then the emotion was gone and he rolled over in bed.
“You’re right,” he whispered.
He pulled on his suit pants and top and left.

As the heavy hotel door closed behind him, I breathed a sigh of relief. His room was directly above me on the next floor. He didn’t have a key to my room. There would be no surprise visits. …


The beauty of giving back to nature.

My legs were shaking.

I had never been in the presence of an elephant before. This one was called Nanny. She was 40 years old, which, I was told, was super old for an elephant. She had a great gentleness and huge power all around her. I felt humbled.

I watched the three families I was with, feed Nanny bananas. The bananas weren’t peeled. I never knew elephants could eat unpeeled bananas. If Nanny was anything to go by, they loved them. Her trunk was sucking up the bananas at an amazing rate.

I was in Chaing Mai Elephant Sanctuary…

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